apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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