I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
