I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
