Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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