Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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