If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
