Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
