Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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