Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
