you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
