I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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