Where are you?
In a non slutty way
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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