I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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