9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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