Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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