guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
