I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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