Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
