let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
