I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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