That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
