we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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