My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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