First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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