my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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