I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
