Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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