A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
