I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
