he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
