And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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