:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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