brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
bring money and cleavage
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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