He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
