Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
