I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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