i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
