I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
