I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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