i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
