she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
