I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They have beer where we have blood.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
