u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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