She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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