absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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