i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
