I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
