The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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