.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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