lets start a swedish sibling band together
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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