Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I want to be your penis for a week.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
