Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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