he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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