I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
