so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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