girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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