Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
