No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
