Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
