chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
