You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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