I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
