yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im holly from the hills drunk
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
