she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
